Saying Goodbye : The Last Post

I had been disturbed by recent events around the social front and had been deliberately contemplating on what I can do differently.

Ordinary Life Tips May Be For Sale!
Contact owner via email link.

1) It began with an online chat one night with a muslim teenager who happens to be a regular visitor of OLT. I find his admission disturbing, that his parents are not practising the deen and leaves him to fend for himself, allowing him to transgress.

2) I attended a wedding reception which was held before the bride and groom were solemnised.

3) One wedding dinner had pictures and videos of the couple in compromising positions shot way before they were halal.

4) My inability to help further without sounding like I am doing missionary work. These are readers to whom I suggest applying the worldly advice and technique to solve their problems knowing that some of the approaches cannot possibly work without having faith in God.

5) The programs I promote, some suggesting sex for unmarried women to win the hearts of men.

The points above and a host of other reasons made me feel so restricted in expressing what I really feel. It did not feel right and stifles that bit of creativity I have in me. This will be my last post on OLT. I say goodbye with a big thank you to regular readers who are always a source of inspiration, be it in the form of your comments on this blog or the email conversations we had.

I still have a passion for writing and have decided to move on to where I can be more comfortable and free to express my true feelings.

I am launching a new blog DeenClickz! on January 1st 2013. The concept will be quite similar but it will be more faith oriented and more about disseminating knowledge and information.

Meanwhile, muslims or otherwise, you may want to join our new Google+ Community to stay in touch or simply to update me with your latest going-ons in life.

Goodbye and see you in January 2013!

How to Increase Your Happiness Level

Without a doubt, we all face some unpleasant situations every other day. One way or another, some situations are not conducive to happiness. Some say it is your attitude and choice that make you feel happy or otherwise. This is so true, provided you know how to not let unhappy event influence your reactions. You are only a slave of your own self when you let external factors determine and restrict your freedom and influence your mood.

What is happiness to you

For me, it is a feeling of inner peace and satisfaction. Happiness is a result of being free from obsession, worries and fears. Although happiness is the outcome of positive events, the feeling actually comes from the inside.

Happiness to some people can be temporary and intermittent, all because they allow unpleasant situations to affect them. To remain happy, you need to gain inner peace by ways you know best. Some people pray and reflect, some will meditate and so on. Only when your mind is more at peace can it become easier for you to choose to be happy.

I often feel that when people fail to end the day happy, that unhappiness will snowball. It will accumulate enough to make you feel bitter and negative towards life.

What you can do to increase your level of happiness

It is always easier said than done but you definitely have within you the power to change things. No one is totally positive at all times, the mind will somehow drag you into negativity and difficulties. Always look on the bright side. You want to make it a habit, not just try.

Feed your ears with uplifting or soothing sounds, whatever makes you feel good. Some people feel rejuvenated by rock classics, instrumental pieces and for some, verses of the Holy Book.

Always think of the solutions and not the problems.

Be on the alert. The moment you begin having negative thoughts, bounce back and think of the many good and pleasant events you have had.

Read something light but inspiring everyday or watch some comedies or listen to some humour.

Stop worrying about what you have not achieved. Instead, think about the things you have done and how you can benefit from them to accomplish those you have not done.

Never set a rigid timeline or desire to accomplish objectives lest you become frustrated and unhappy when you fail to get things done. I am not promoting laziness, rather for you to just step back and become more efficient.

Understand what being ordinary is about. Ordinary people are a happy lot because their lives are less complicated and often, they know the meaning of priority.

Treat yourself with something good every once in a while. It could be little pleasures like having time to yourself or buying yourself a book or perhaps taking an evening walk by the beach.

Do small gestures to make people around you happy, especially family members. Believe me, when you see them happy, you will be happy and they will want to make you happy!

Be happy for other people's happiness and achievements. Envy can only rot the bones.

Be around happy people and pick up a lesson or two from them. If there is any good contagious thing, it is happiness.

If all else fail, detach yourself from everything for a bit. Free your mind and distance yourself until you are calmer.

How do you increase your level of happiness and remain happy?

Making Informed Parenting Decisions

Guide to making informed parenting decisions

My approach to making parenting decisions or choices differed when my firstborn was in pregnancy than from when he actually arrived. Having psyched myself up for his arrival, I was kind of 'gung-ho'. I did lots of research and was somewhat judgemental towards other parents. I thought I knew it all.

A healthy number of parents-to-be asked about making informed parenting decisions, here I share my thoughts on the topic.

Which Parenting Style Is the Best - read later.

Some things do not work the way they should, I was losing confidence. Six weeks into parenthood, I had to unlearn and relearn my approaches and regained my confidence. This helped me become more aware, more relaxed and more open to parenting ideas. This also made me more ready to accept other parents' differing ways and advices .

My Wife Is Pregnant Again - read later.

Making informed parenting choices or decisions is a lengthy process and requires quite a bit of learning. In summary, here is a list of actions that worked and still works for me.

1. Ask God.

It is important to seek God Almighty's help. Prayers can help you decide if what you are going to do is right or otherwise. It gives you inner peace and clarity of mind.

2. Listen to other parents.

You do not necessarily have to apply every advice you get. Scrutinise their suggestions, weigh the pros and cons. Learn from their experiences and make informed parenting decisions that fit the family structure you want to build.

3. Research and do lots of reading.

Article and book recommendations on the many parenting subjects can help you identify areas that need specific attention.

4. Listen to your heart and mind.

You cannot possibly absorb everything you learn without reaching the point of overload. Interpret what you have learned and realise that not all information presented can work for specific situation. I have had instances where deciding against what I felt was right did prove disastrous. Learn to listen to your inner feeling to make informed parenting choices.

Your guide to making informed parenting decisions

How do you process your thoughts and actions on making informed parenting decisions?
What have you learned about parenthood?

Suggested read
How to parent with purpose and simplicity.
How do you make parenting choices.

Blogging When the Money Comes Slowly

Almost everyone who starts a blog does it to make money online and almost always people give up for various reasons. I was recently asked how I keep doing what I do.

Blogging solely for money

Writing without passion cannot give you the strength or patience to wait until your blog becomes profitable and it shows in your articles. You do not feel refreshed because you are writing topics you do not care about.

Of course the naked desire to make money can make one fall in love with a topic even when there is no element of interest, so long the potential of financial gain becomes a great source of motivation. The question is for how long? Can the same readers sustain the same interest for long? Can you keep writing about topics you do not care about years from now?

Blog Focus

Professional Bloggers will tell you to be specific and pay attention to your blog's focus. They say you need to know your audience and their expectations of your niche blogs. They are probably right but not always so.

Writing about everything under the sun will not bring everyone under the sun to your blog but restricting yourself to just one particular topic can also stunt your growth.

Ordinary Life Tips do not have a strong community per se because ordinary people or rather real people are not always interested in everything. They are however, interested in something and this is where patience is required. If strong community and blog commenting are main consideration factors, Ordinary Life Tips would have packed up with a blink of an eye and disappear from existence. This brings us to the next point.

Your Blog Sucks

Perhaps to some this is true and you just do not know it or do not want to realise it. The number of comments you receive is always a good indication of how your contents invite interactions but not always true. If recent indication on this blog is anything to go by, I would not care writing this article. I would have experienced sleepless nights.

I rather not publish non-interactive comments that are promoting their blogs or products and only wanting exposure.

Email communications are far more personal and effective. Analyse your audience and group them properly to be able to send appropriate promotional emails. (Keep the emails coming lest I become very demoralised! ... LOL)

Personality

You articles should preferably reflect your personality and not heavy on clinical analysis and references. Ordinary people read casual writings and not analytical or philosophical materials.

Your Turn to Talk

How do you keep blogging when the money comes slowly.
How do you Start a Blog That Matters

Should Parents Ban Violent Video Games

Should Parents Reprimand Teens from Playing Violent Video Games

Violent video games have long been a hot topic issue among parents and parenting establishments for many years. With the inception and rampant insemination of these video games among today's youth it stands to reason that more and more parents are becoming concerned about these violent games. That being said there is an ongoing debate centering on the banning of and punishment for playing these types of violent games. While each parent is more than welcome to have their opinion on these games, it is important that you understand a few of the studies that are going on today concerning this type of violent games.

This guest post is by Agnes Embile Jimenez. She is a professional blogger and writer who runs her personal blog at www.empressofdrac.com

Separating reality from games

Psychologists and behavioural experts have begun to track the behaviour and brain activity of children that play violent video games over a prolonged period of time. Results indicate that prolonged exposure to these violent games can excite the brain and may potentially increase violent behaviour in children that have trouble separating reality from the games. Though not all children that play violent video games are going to become violent, there is an increased risk in a child becoming violent if exposed to these games for a prolonged period of time. These studies are not conclusive at this time but steps are being taken to collect more conclusive data on the matter.

Who should be responsible 

This begs the question should children be banned from playing violent games and if so should they be punished for playing them? The child's mind is not one that understands necessarily why a parent may take away a violent video game or why they are being punished for playing them. That being said it is not the responsibility of the game manufacturer to explain to children and parents why playing these games may be detrimental but rather the duty of the parent to explain to the child why they are opposed to this sort of games.

Banning a game completely does make the child want to play it more. In boardingschools for example students are highly restricted in what they can and cannot do, while this strict structure works wonders for some students, it causes others to act out and do whatever they want despite the consequences. It is important that if you do choose to ban violent video games you explain why to your children rather than relying on your own authority or status within the household.

Do you ban or do you allow children to play violent video games in a controlled environment?

'Must-read' book for anyone concerned about the effects video games have on children!
Violent Video Game Effects on Children and Adolescents: Theory, Research, and Public Policy

Connecting Life to Money - Your Priority

Most of us would have read some articles on investment strategies, budgeting guides, financial planning and so on but have we asked why we read such articles and why is managing money connected to life?

Have we asked ourselves why the need to connect life to money? We all know the importance of recognising our money motivation, knowing what and why we are doing what we are doing but do we look at our priority?

Knowing what you are trying to accomplish in life has direct connection with the way you view money. Ordinary people usually go in either one of two directions.

Money Directions

1) To accumulate enough for life's needs. College funds for the kids, vacations, car, retirement funds and perhaps some savings to pass on to your kids.

2) To view connecting life to money as achieving those things that you had always wanted. To have trusted friends and family around whom you can be your own person and who can provide meaning in your life. To be able to use your money for things that matter like religion, family and society.

Priority in connecting life to money

When your priority is clear you begin to learn that what you accumulate is not the most important connection. What you do with it counts and should be the main goal. Money should allow you to do things that give you energy and not things that drain your energy. It should make you more aware of your self-worth rather than your net-worth.

Money-Life Fulfillment

It is important to realise that there are two sides of the brain. The left does the formulating of information and  the right makes you feel good about it. If you asked why and found the answers then God willing, you will be both financially and emotionally fulfilled.

What is your main goal about making money?
How do you prioritise?

Useful budgeting article at WAHM.Com - Budgeting Your Money: How to Prioritise Expenses

Adapting Parenting Style to Teen Culture

Parents of teens will know that to understand how to help them in a constantly changing world is akin to hitting a constantly moving target. Just when you thought you aimed right, the target changes direction. That is the way teen culture is. Things change, your kids change.

Parents are often left frustrated when trying to keep up with the constant changes. With teens in the 21st century, parents need to adapt to know how to set the right standards and rules. This will help parents to enforce the right discipline even as it gets overwhelming or seems impossible.

As such, learning to adapt your parenting style to be more fluid and more accessible is crucial in your achieving parenting success.

Parents must realise that as kids develop into teens, you will be stripped off the luxury of making demands and expecting things to remain the same.

In agreement or not, things change. Parents must understand this and learn to flow with teen culture. Parents need to be able to set appropriate boundaries. You do not need to change your beliefs and house rules but how you enforce them certainly has to change.

Your approach to discipline needs remodelling, failing which, kids will be unprepared to cope with their own teen culture and cannot develop healthy relationships. This will cause them to remain irresponsible and immature, unable to make sound decisions.

Adapting your parenting style to teen culture

Parents must learn to set appropriate boundaries adapting to changes, allowing them to provide choices for directions teens need to take when tackling their newly acquired behaviour.

Take a footballer in a competitive match. The coach allows him to be creative so long he sticks to a preset discipline and strategy and remains confined within the boundaries of the player's position and the pitch. When things are moving in the right direction, the coach allows the player the freedom to roam the pitch. When a problem develops, the player will be restricted to his function and position and area of the pitch.

Today, kids do not often engage one another with real interaction and thus do not develop any form of real relationships. This lack of interaction does not help in honing maturity or social skills.

Parents will do better setting boundaries that help teens to interact and choose the direction they want to go. Allow teens to experience the consequences of poor decisions. Help them realise that poor choices and crossing healthy boundaries will lead them to directions they do not want to go with the relationships. Make them aware that making sound decisions and choosing well help in building good relationships.

Changing Parenting Target

Focus on training and character building while injecting discipline. Break away from the discipline and punish approach. Inculcate behavioural qualities like respect, honesty and obedience.

Hold your teens responsible for choice of direction and make them own it. Mistakes will happen but if teens lay the blame on you, parents must put the responsibility clearly back on them.

Make teens understand that only they can change themselves, not even perfect parents can force something unto kids without expecting adverse effects.

Adjusting Parenting Attitude

Offer opinion rather than waiting to be asked
Be a teen's friend and focus more on the rights than the wrongs
Get teens involved in decision making rather than demanding on everything
Discuss rather than lecture and apply reciprocal parenting
Listen more rather than yelling more and speak to teens with respect
Experience together rather than trying to entertain
Adjust and compromise instead of changing and giving in.

OLT suggest reading Teenage as a Second Language

Final Thoughts

Teenagers' brains are different from adult brains. Teens today tend to like their immaturity, and do not feel the need to grow in their responsibilities. Showing teens to grow and take ownership of their attitude and choice are some important character qualities parents can help teens develop.

How can parents tell teens that they need to be responsible and mature?
How do you carefully identify the goings-on in their world?
Can you set out boundaries that make teens responsible and act upon?

Is Stressful Living Related to Fast Life

Living the Fast Life

It is common these days to live the fast life. Many people are overly exposed to everything fast. Fast food, fast cars, fast holidays, fast conversations and perhaps fast families.

Often, taking the fast route will mean that you are not there for the family. It makes you feel like you are living the great life. Look closer and you will realise that you hardly make time to savour your food, appreciate family and friends. You are actually starving of the real connection to life and often resulted in you not being mindful of your surrounding.

Three of my mates passed on due to stress related illness this past month, two are still being treated and they were all active in sports. This series of unfortunate events strengthen my believe on the need to restore the balance before it gets worse. To slow down and reflect if you had been fooled to think that you need the offerings of the fast life.

It is not about being paranoid but knowing that you tried living mindfully brings comfort.

Stressful Living

Stressful living is often caused by your succumbing to the false needs of fast life. Listen to your body and listen to that little voice in your head. Recent research has shown that ignoring stress is staggeringly costly for your physical being. It manifests the cardiovascular and other systemic diseases and even accelerated ageing.

On the psychological front, unmanaged stress can lead to anxiety, depression, eating disorders and other emotional illnesses.

Mindful Living

Be ordinary, be simple and pay attention to the present moment in a systematic way. When you become mindful of your life, you can develop a wiser relationship with your sensory experiences. This relationship allows you to be calm and connected with the present moment.

There is nothing to lose living a slow life. Being mindful of your everyday life allows you to be less caught up in destructive emotions. In fact, it predisposes a greater emotional intelligence and balance. What all this translate into is greater happiness. You will find yourself more satisfied with the things you do.

Can you see the relation between Stressful Living and Fast Life?
Do you see the need to slow down and live mindfully?

OLT suggest Panic Away program to fight anxiety.

Kitchen Skills Can Make Sons Better Men

Sons Can Be Better Men With Kitchen Skills 

When boys acquire kitchen skills, they are capable of feeding themselves and can be self sufficient. They can to a certain extent attract more potential life partners. I do not know of any women who dislike men who cook or bake, do you?

I thought sons should be made aware that kitchens are not made just for women unless they want to starve to death when the missus is sulking.

Ordinarily, kids love helping out. You can benefit from using the enthusiasm to create that special bonding time. Besides, encouraging your sons to cook or bake can be fun when necessary precautions, discipline and kitchen rules are applied. When supervised and coached constantly, parents can help build confidence in their sons or kids in general. Learning kitchen skills can also encourage the spirit of adventure, the curiosity to try and learn new things.

What Kitchen Skills Can Bring

I am at best, a mediocre kitchen guy but still the parent-child bonding experience gained is worth all the efforts and sometimes that bit of frustrations.

You can coach Science and Maths in the kitchen when weighing and choosing ingredients to use. You can instill hygiene and encourage healthy conversations. This also helps improve their language skills. You can perhaps teach some Geography by challenging your sons to identify the country of origin for the different recipes and ingredients. Of no less importance I think, is the concept of sharing you create from your kitchen adventures.

All you need to do is find ways to make kitchen activities fun and have lots of patience.

Kitchen Skills Resources 

Jamie's Home Cooking Skills
How to teach kids kitchen skills
Bisous À Toi
easybakes
Salam Dua Benua

How to Find and Love Your Soul Mate

Falling in love and finding your soul mate may need different approaches for men and women. Some strategies can be applied to both sexes, some just do not fit in.

OLT is read by single and married people alike, all with varied interests. For this reason, you never know what you are going to get each week. A number of single people asked for my humble opinion on what works best and to be honest, I can only try suggesting at best.

Help Me to Find Love - Read later.

You will only learn what works after some clumsy experiences and time definitely has a role to play. I think observing others, trial and error on my part and lots of reading must have worked for me. Let us face it, we are all born idiots when it comes to love.

The meaning of Love

I thought the first thing to find is the meaning of love. You will find the many different definitions and meanings of love. You would be wise to choose and accept the meaning that suits you best.

Feelings of love can easily be mixed up with your desires at both physical and emotional level. It is only natural to have desires within when you are growing up, to find that significant other in a relationship. This desire to love can sometimes confuse and embarrass you. Some of us are even overwhelmed by it that we throw rationality out the window.

Ordinary people will focus the desire on one particular person at a time. It is this focus that turn the desire into a tight grip you will find hard to let go. This will translate into an obsession, a crush or a lasting love. Most people do not realise that often, the idea of being in love is what grips them and not the person they are in love with.

Relationship can only grow over time and after having experienced some blunders, so to speak. Time will make you understand the different desires and for you to distinguish real love from these desires.

Is it love or lust? - Read later.

Forming of a relationship

Even when love seems to be all around you, it is never easy to hit it off with someone right away. In fact, it is common to see things go wrong even when two people are attracted to each other and when both are available.

Only when two people become the focus of each others' desires coupled with the right circumstances can a good relationship be formed.

The must-haves of finding a soul mate

I thought the newly formed good relationship must match up with these factors:

One of you must have the initiative to grow the relationship.
Both must be emotionally compatible, if not connected.
That someone must desire you and you must have desires for that someone.
Both must be willing to commit to a long term relationship.
Both must work hard to not switch off one another or ruin the freshly baked relationship.

Some of the above points may not fall into place immediately but over time, those are just what you need to aim to achieve.

Can you find and love your soul mate

Sometimes it can be difficult to be rational about love but that is just what you need to do if you were to ever improve your chances of finding a soul mate.

Do not be constrained by the idea that there is a perfect match for you. You can try but when that person never comes, be content with the fact that there is someone out there you can have a lasting and loving relationship with.

You may meet many people before that someone comes along or you may get lucky like me.

How I Met Your Mother - Read later.

The positive is, the more potential partners you meet, the higher your chances are. Only you can tell what kind of person suits you and with that clearly sorted out, you should be naturally inclined to know where to find that person.

Book Recommendation
How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul

How to Find Your Soul Mate : The Guide to Find Your Right Life Partner